| Chasing Dogma |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|07:49 pm] |
How long has it been since I last updated? The answer: Far too long. I was asked to attend a fly-by-night, seat-of-your-pants lecture tour. There was no way I could say no, so I didn't and I went. Five hundred plains of existence later, here I am. Well actually I got back on Thursday night. Friday, God had a screening of "Constantine" at the Big House. How he got a copy on Laserdisc I'll never know. Oh! that's right, he's God! Why he'd want such a piece of antiquated technology is beyond me. Some of his prized possessions are the eight track in his caddy and a new betamax player for his bedroom. More than anything, I think he has a problem letting go of the past.
Speaking of
I've apparently been moved while I was out. If you remember my last post, someone broke in and wrecked my place. Well, now I'm living with God. I'm starting to think the lecture tour was a ploy to get me out of Heaven so he could move me into his place. I also think God had something to do with my place being wrecked. Can you say "Hired Goons", I knew you could. He says I'm safer here, how can this place not be safe, I ask, it's HEAVEN! |
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| There's Going To Be Hell To Pay. |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|11:57 pm] |
I went on holiday for just a few days. When I returned, I found my home in a total mess. Everything I owned had been turned over, broken, bent, disorganized and pissed on. Dirty hand prints covered the walls and carpet. And you can tell that something had ... at one time .. pierced their hand, due to the disfigurement of the palm prints left behind.
While confined to my earthly vessel revenge was never an option. If I'm going to do this it better be worth it. How should this Pope whoop some ass? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|01:01 pm] |
To the person in the shadows who purchased a paid account for me, I thank you. If I knew who you were I'd be able to send you this coupon I just clipped for $1.00 off your next purchase at Stuckey's. Oh! and of course two free passes to Heaven - not valid on college night. Seriously though, thank you!
Does anyone out there have an cool/funny pope icons, or have you seen any?
maybe i should hold a pope icon making contest..yes? no? suck my toe?
Q: Did you hear about the new McDonald's McJackson sandwich?
A: It's a 35 year old slab of meat between two 12 year old buns. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|12:00 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Cake - Italian Leather Sofa | ] |
This has been such a slow day. I've managed to unpack the last of my things and I am officially, completely moved in. I think an aquarium would look nice in the living room, not to mention add more light. I hope everyone out there is doing great. You have no idea how awesome it is when you leave comments. I started looking into changing the layout of this journal but apparently i need a paid account. As I go through the pages of my friends i see all these really nice icons that some of you have. Makes the pope jealous.
The Pope landed at an airport just in time to get to an important meeting. His limo driver speedily takes off, but the Pope needs him to go faster in order to get to his meeting on time. The Pope asks the driver to switch places and so the Pope will drive.
They speedily take off again, and unfortunately, the limo is stopped by a cop. The cop takes one look at the situation and radios in to police headquarters. He tells the chief that he's got a pretty important person on his hands.
The police chief asked, "Is he more important than the mayor?" The cop said, "Yes." Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the governor?" The cop said, "Yes." Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the President?" The cop said, "Yes."
Finally, the chief asked, "How important can he be?" The cop said, "I don't know, but he's got the Pope for a driver." |
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| Hello True Believers! |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|03:52 am] |
Well the cable is out and Heavenvision can't get anyone out here until Sunday between 2-5pm. Post something to keep me amused, funny pictures, poems, photos of jesus in a compromising situation. I've now got AOL's Instant Messenger so hit me up for idle chat or prayer requests. If I don't answer you right away please know that I'll get to you as soon as I can.
Until next time,
JP2 |
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| Kids Say The Darndest Things... |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|09:45 pm] |
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Moses died before he ever reached Canada."
"Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you."
"A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony." |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|06:25 pm] |
What is everyone doing over summer break? I've been seriously thinking about maybe going on a walkabout. Heaven is pretty slow this time of year. A lot of residents take summer vacations to beautiful destinations or even visit a different dimention. I'm unable to make up my mind.
Did anyone else get addicted to LOST on abc? If you want a reason as to why I wasn't around, that show is the reason. God and I sat for days trying to figure it out. We have our own theories and that ending - threw us for a loop.
Holla back
JP2. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|11:14 pm] |
I feel terrible but I had to have a day to myself. When God called I just let the machine get it. Here's a recording from his message left on my machine. notice the loneliness? i have no idea what to do, i can't avoid him forever.
the message |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|11:44 pm] |
I'm sorry for the lack of updating but please understand that God has been monopolizing my time. Every day he calls at the same time, we meet at the same cafe and talk about the same thing. He's goes on and on about how hard it is being the almighty. It's as if he forgets I was the friggin' Pope of the Catholic Church. Apparently he and Jesus have had a falling out because Jesus has moved in with St. Peter Jr. They're a cute couple if I say so myself.
Where's Terri and Johnny? it's like they died or something. |
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| I'm Just Saying... |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|04:35 pm] |
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The last time a german stood on a balcony being adored by throngs of worshippers... |
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| Holy Smoke! |
[Apr. 20th, 2005|12:46 am] |
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Well here we are true believers the end of days. It's true, Bush Jr. is terrorizing the globe and the Catholic Church just chose a fucking Nazi as your new Pope. The people of the world haven't been this frightened since Clay Aiken released Measure Of A Man. Earlier God made the comment "I should have totally rethought that whole free will thing, dude." I say F the whole thing, you know there's nothing I can do. God wouldn't even smite him early, I asked. A Nazi, can you F'ing believe it? I would have totally been happy had they voted in that shiny skinned Jigaboo. Hello! Porch Monkey or Nazi? It's not rocket science. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|02:10 pm] |
OH. MY. FUCK. ING. GOD!
(excuse me)
I spit my egg sandwich out and overturned the god damn(excuse me) table when I heard the news.
Can't really talk now, I was on my way out. I've been volunteering at the GLBT youth center. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|01:08 pm] |
It's true that I appointed Ratzinger to enforce church doctrine setting him up in an office in the Vatican. I didn't want to house him within the Vatican, I had set aside a tool shed on the back lawn near the end of the property for him as an "office". They told me an official with the Vatican couldn't be housed in a tool shed. I fought it and fought it because I wasn't going to have some red, commie bastard living under my roof.
Have you seen photos of this guy? Jesus (no offense) he looks creepy. Not in an old man sort of way but in a Michael Jackson molestation kind of way. When I was Pope I wouldn't leave my big hats unattended around him and I always had to hide the good china. You're asking yourself "But Pope John Paul The Deuce, if you didn't trust him then why appoint him to the Vatican?" I would answer that question if I could remember. I had a reason, it just escapes me at the moment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|12:23 am] |
A quick note before I head to bed, I've been keeping an eye on earth news because lets face it, even though I said I didn't care who the new Pope would be I didn't think in 100-million-years they'd ever consider an Adolf loving Kraut.
Had I known this I would have never died.
God help us (because you owe me one)
JP |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|07:25 pm] |
I stayed an extra day at the request of the almighty. I couldn't say "no", no one can, so we all stayed. The Vatican went all out for the service didn't they? Three coffins... reminded me of those german nesting dolls I once had as a child. I saw photos of nuns with binoculars and a lot of empty seats right up front that could have been filled by some of the attendants that were standing some three miles away.
[a person attending my funeral at the very end of the line.. in poland!]
"Is that the pope? It doesn't look like the pope. It looks like a grain of rice doing an impersonation of the pope." |
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